Right place, Wrong time.

Read: You know something is right for you, but you have that character on your shoulder saying “No.” Why though? You’ve been through so many experiences that you don’t even know what you want at this point. You’re hiding out from your own truth. You are so lost in your own substance that you cant tell the real anymore.

How many times have we felt that something was so great? Only to imagine how it could be ruined and then ruin it ourselves? I’ll be honest, I’ve done this myself. Not once but numerous times. I’ve been to the point that I thought I needed so desperately to protect myself that I’ve had to guard every inch of feelings I have.

The past should not define us. This should not represent the way we act in future relationships. I have fallen victim to treating the wrong people right, and the right people wrong. Do not do to others that you do not want done to you. Once you fall into that bracket you become the same person who hurt you. It is not okay to take another persons emotions and smother them because you are hurt.

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Why settle?

How many times do we catch ourselves right back into the same situations that we said we would never be in again? I know I’ve done it and I’m sure others have experienced the same as well. Its like when you’re a little kid and your parents tell you not to touch the stove but you do it anyway just to see what happens on your own. Why do we like to invite pain back into our lives? Why do we still proceed with touching the stove knowing that its just going to hurt us?

There’s been different experiences in my life where I told myself “I’m never going through that again, next time will be different.” Now this has happen in different aspects of my life. Whether its that one family member that you know you’ll always argue with, that boyfriend that you go back to, or just settling for things in my life that I know I shouldn’t settle for.

Now as much as we all think we know what we deserve, do we really? When I was younger I thought a date to the movies or answering my text back fast enough defined being treated right. The more experiences you go through, the more time that passes is what truly helps you define what you “Deserve”. It takes more than just words that can be said or written to really treat someone you care for the way they should be.

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The Disconnect.

Read: Its a bright sunny morning and you open your eyes but for some reason you don’t feel bright and sunny inside. That’s the morning I have someday’s and it bothers me because I can’t seem to figure out why. Do you ever wake up and feel down? You start your day expecting the worst, or even just feeling sad for absolutely no reason? There are times that this happens to me and it makes me feel so confused. I wonder if other people wake up this way or is it just me?

On days like these I could have the simplest conversation with someone, yet it could bring a thousand emotions out that I didn
‘t even realize I had. I automatically get the insecure feeling as if every person is against me that day. I try to tell myself its just me and its just a bad day. Its draining isn’t it? When you feel like something is wrong but you can’t seem to put your finger on it. Today is one of those days for me and I couldn’t figure out what exactly I should do to make it better. I kept staring at my phone, going back and forth through different conversations. Each one of these conversations were making me angry to look at, and then I was switching screens to open up something else that made me feel the same. Then I asked myself, why am I doing this?

PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.

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After the “First” Heartbreak

 

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Read: Let’s start this blog off with a bang. Now when it comes to social media, real life, I like to keep it as honest as can be. One day I’ll talk S#@! and the next day I’ll have no feelings. I have people asking all the time, who hurt you? What makes you so blunt? Why this, why that. Well let’s say experience really does mold you. I started my first real relationship at 16 years old. I had no idea that almost 10 years later I would be sitting here staring at a computer investing my time and energy into sharing my heart break story with anyone else. There are certain times in your life that you can remember from just the smell of a scent, or the reminder of scenery. All of a sudden you wind up right back in that space, remembering that exact moment.

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