You know those moments where you hear a song, smell a scent, or feel a feeling and suddenly you’re right back into an exact moment? It’s like a time portal without the time travel. You can feel every single thing that you felt and remember everything that was going on at that exact time. It makes you feel crazy. It’s like watching “That’s So Raven” when you suddenly get a “vision” and for that second EVERYTHING stops.
I had that today. It was like a glimpse into the past. Sometimes these little “Visions” “Time Travels” that we have aren’t always the best. They still have an impact though, which I will get into in a minute.
SO yes, this entry is called … Crying in the Mirror. This is because, in fact, this entry is about just that. Have you ever been so hurt where you just look at yourself and watch every single emotion that’s going through you as it progresses?
You continue to look at yourself while you’re crying, hurting, emotions invading your entire body. Thinking to yourself like why? Why me, why this moment, why am I letting this happen, WHY is this happening? SO many things going through you at once which is what makes us feel so crazy.
Well, I’ve had a few of these times.. It seems to have happened after really bad arguments, disagreements, foul words. Those times where someone says something so hurtful that you question yourself..
While questioning your own self you sometimes happen to find yourself…
CRYING IN THE MIRROR…
I feel like these have been some of the WEAKEST times in my life. I remember hysterically crying to the point where I was like Brittinie..
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
MAN THE FUCK UP..
Looking at myself crying. “You’re PATHETIC.”
That’s exactly what I thought to myself. Trying to figure out why I couldn’t grow the fuck up and LEAVE instead of crying. I didn’t know how to. I was so hurt.
There wasn’t anything that anyone could’ve said to make me feel better at these times.
It’s like I had to look at myself being miserable so many times to actually understand what was going on. I was being teared down, my confidence was being struck in the worst ways and it was causing me to hate myself and everything around me.
People say “The truth comes out when you’re angry.” That’s all that used to stick in my head. As soon as there were damaging words coming from someone important in my life. I would feel “This must be their true feelings.”
As unfortunate as it was this would affect me and my own feelings about myself. I would contemplate how I could fix this person and their feelings towards me. What could I do different, what could I do to make them feel different?
Anything that was going on with me it would 100% be affected by others and the way they made me feel about myself. UNTIL I WOKE THE FUCK UP.
I thank GOD that I truly was smacked by reality and realized that NOBODY IN THIS WORLD SHOULD EVER HAVE FEELINGS THAT EFFECT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.
People can HATE you, these people may not even know you. This, and every other negative feeling people threw your way should NEVER stop you from being your best YOU.
I have Cried in the Mirror so many times. One thing that I always ended up asking myself, in the end, was ” WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE TO MAKE YOU CRY?!”
Honestly, that is the big factor…
If you do NOT let other people influence the way you feel about you, the way you look at yourself.. WHO CAN REALLY HURT YOU?
I feel like this may all feel so cliche` but these are true facts of what I feel.
Also, this is my blog so I can careless how it sounds, I give my all to this.
The reason I have felt so broken down, the reason I have CRUMBLED when others have made me feel down is that I wasn’t fully confident in myself. I have finally come to the terms that I AM the best me. NOBODY can be me. I am the only ME on this earth.
I have a HUGE heart, I AM Beautiful, I am LOVING, I CARE, LOVE, and GIVE… SO HARD.
This is not because I have to, but because this is the way that I was raised and this is the way I choose to live my life.
The last thing I ever in my life would want to do is..
to make someone else “Cry in the mirror.”
I remember asking my ex, “How could you make me feel this way? How could you make me cry and not feel bad?”
As much as it meant nothing to him at that time, trust me it meant something to him later. It sometimes has to take people until its too late to realize what they did wrong. As much as I’ve been hurt I can definitely say the “Apologies” do help and do make you realize you weren’t the wrong one in the end.
One thing I always think about is that when I get older I will make sure to teach my future children to NEVER let anyone make them feel like less of themselves.
THAT MEANS NEVER…
Yes, second chances are amazing. I just don’t think that everyone deserves them. If someone makes you feel like you are not worth it, you are not worth them, or anything of the sort…
THE ONE AND ONLY THING THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS LEAVE.
Leaving is always our last resort. ALWAYS. We stay until we see a change. We stay hoping that we will see a change. GUESS WHAT…
ALL THIS LEADS TO IS… MANY DAYS OF CRYING TO YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR..
That’s not the person you want to be, and trust me.. THAT HURT PERSON, that’s not who you want to see..
TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN HURT, FELT DAMAGED, OR EVEN JUST DOWN..
THIS IS FOR YOU.. LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU.
I am always here to message in “Ask Britters”.. Leave your email so that I can respond personally.
I LOVE YOU ALL. Thanks for reading.